Wednesday, August 4, 2010
This past weekend, with just three weeks until I leave for the Midwestern tour, things weren't looking good. The tour out west in June/July cost a lot of money. Blame it on the sunshine or the economy but people were not coming to the shows. I was hoping to recoup my losses here in Colorado and in this upcoming Midwestern tour and although I had moderate success re booking a couple of places, a lot of puzzle pieces and dates were still missing.
Currently I am very poor (in debt, actually), still homeless and with the economy the way it is at this time I feel it's best for my psyche and livelihood that I cancel this tour and try to find gainful employment here in Colorado for the time being.
I am extremely sorry for any inconvenience this may cause to the many venue owners who have supported me and given me a chance. To anyone who was looking forward to my return to Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin and northwest Michigan - you have my deepest apologies. The show in North Platte, Nebraska 8/21 and a weekend of shows in southeast Michigan the weekend of 9/10 and 9/11 are still on.
Life is not all or nothing, and I want the reader to know that I'm not "giving up music". Songs will be written, shows will be played and albums will be released for anyone who wishes to hear them for as long as I'm breathing. To be frank, at this time - after 13 years, 1,200 shows in 24 states, 3 albums and countless vats of emotional blood, sweat and tears - I cannot go back out there and sleep in the car. I cannot go back out there and earn so little that I feel guilty for spending $10 a day on food, or rack up further debt.
Also know that there is peace with this. I learned in the last four months that maybe I'm just not cut out for hitting people over the head with my music in order for them to pay enough attention that will allow me to make a living at it. Maybe I'd rather create from love, and let anyone who'd like to listen, listen. Anyone who doesn't wish to listen, doesn't have to. They don't have to be won over by a clever marketing scheme or a sexy music video (like Vaguely Alamosa! Damn I loved that beard!). They sure as hell don't have to feed me, or clothe me. The attitude of need has taken something I find invaluable (my relationship with music) and given it a small, paltry number in USD. I need a break from that.
Thanks to my friends and family for your undying support.
P.S. - Today, I played my guitar and - in my ears - it sounded more beautiful than it has in months.